so recently I’ve been getting sort of stuck in life/ confused in life where I am not sure what step to take. So, I decided to go to the beach today by myself and just breathe and think.
I have actually been going to the beach a lot recently because it is relaxing, and because the beach has a lot of good energy where it lifts my mood up. Also, mainly because if you put me on a beach, I will be extremely happy. (if I could move to a beach town and live there I would but I can dream)
So yeah, today am at the beach alone, sitting with a notepad and pen to gather my thought and just have a minute to breathe for a while.
As I am trying to gather my thought together, I was sitting staring into the sea. I came to notice when I talk to people about what kind of life I wanted. People turn around and tell me things I hate doing and when I try to explain, I hate doing these things you are telling me to do.
People then say “that is how the world work now, you need to go online in order to meet the love of your life, you cannot meet anyone the old fashion way anymore, you need to go out more to make friends”
Don’t get me wrong I understand why people are saying these things to me but aren’t anything possible even the impossible. Yes, the things people have told me to do has worked out for them, but when I do these things people are telling me to do it usually ends up with me crying on a bed at the end of the night saying “I can’t do this anymore if this the way the world work now I don’t want it”
Sometimes when people tell me “you need a social life which means you need to go out more” it feels like there say my personality and what I think and imagine about things aren’t good enough. But I don’t like drinking and stuff, (yes, I only go out drinking once a month but I stop after the 3rd drink because I hate the feeling) Like what happened to people going for coffee and going to cinemas and going shopping is that not a thing anymore. Because that is my cup of tea.
So, I have decided to turn the page over, grow confidence, say no, and cut people out of my life who don’t understand me or keep a very big distance away from them. Mainly because I am getting sick and tired of doing what people are telling me what to do to get a social life and to try and meet the love of life and other stuff. Pretty much people who are telling me how the world work and my ideas of the world aren’t normal.
Mainly the reason I decided to turn the page over and say the hell with some people is because in my eye life is like a type rope where you are trying to walk to the other side of life that you want with little platforms stopping on the way of the thing that you want to come into your life before you get to another side of the type rope where you have the life you have always imagined for yourself/ dream life.
But at the same time of walking on the type rope you’re trying to keep your balance to try and avoid people who are trying to put strings on you to move you to a different type rope where it is not the life you imagine for yourself.
So instead of people trying to put strings on me to move me to a different type rope, I am going to jump over the string while keeping on the same type rope to walk to the other side so I can get the life I have always imagined for myself.
I for one am surely growing very big confidence to tell people that is not how I want my life to go and just because it works for them doesn’t mean it will work for me because I know what I want and as I go into 4th year of university my final year I want to make sure my life going in the directing that I want it to go in because it my life no one else.
So, I decided to start a new chapter in my life, where I deleted my tinder account/Grinder account, and stop spending ridiculous money on date apps as what I truly desire is love the old fashion way but a gay vision.
Actually, I have decided to stop thinking about love together (almost still think about but not as much), mainly because as I go into my final year of university, I need to start focusing on myself for change because love not going to get the job that I want and or life that I want.
I have also decided to get out of my comfort zone and grow my confidence more instead of waiting for the social life that I ant I have decided to do things on my own like go exploring on my own around where I live instead of sitting on my flat wish, I could do things. I mean so far, I have started exploring around Tynemouth beach because I love to be near a beach.
I have also started to distance myself from people who try and tell me what I should do ln life or how the world works some people I have cut out of life for good other I just kept my distance from.
The reason am calling this the next chapter is because between now and the end of 2023 (the year graduate) is going to change so much for me in terms of living environment, working, and education life, where I have decided to start to take control of my life and do the thing I want and go after what I desired life.
Mainly the reason for the new chapter in my life is because I just noticed no one person has exactly the same life path as another person as everyone has a different path to walk on, and a different outcome/ view on life. As the universe has different plans for each person.
In fact, the universe sometimes might throw in obstacles and challenges to overcome to make us stronger, sometime the universe might make you take 2 step back to learn and grow, but whatever life you desire the universe always make it happen they just make us a better people so we can handle our desire life and show what you differently not want in your life.
This blog post was mainly about me thinking about life and how am stepping into a new chapter of my life. Sorry if this blog post wasn’t really interesting but I kind of wrote it for myself as I was doing a lot of think and me try to figure out why the hell I have a big gut feeling sometimes big going to happen in my life since this year began. So maybe the gut feeling is me building more confidence, and taking control of my life.
See you all later
P.S new blog post is out in 2 weeks