Hello, my little corner of the internet,
It is 0.15 am and am sitting here laying on my bed with my long hair dangling off my bed and I am thinking to myself “WHY THE HELL AM I LIKE THIS?”
I am sitting thinking why am still single? Am I ready for a boyfriend? Do I really want a boyfriend? (Yes, am crazy I think of weird things when I can’t sleep.)
I was just sitting with these questions in my head when I answer the question myself “60% I want a boyfriend and 50% I don’t want a boyfriend right now”
But why am undeclared of what the hell do I want?
Mainly Because no one tells you how hard and painful single life is in your 20s when all you see is people on Facebook and Instagram post pictures of them going on dates, getting dressed up for dates, going on spa weekends, and many more (we would be here all night long if I had to name them all out)
People also don’t tell you the thought and emotions that run through your head when being single Such as feeling like you are worthless, you have no life, you’re missing out or you think you are ugly, let’s just say the thoughts and emotions are like your mad crazy person god honestly
It is a fact because one minute you are happy living your life then you go on social media and see about 10 photos of couples and dates night and you feel like you are worthless and have no life. (Well that’s how I feel)
To be perfectly honest I feel like a crazy person being single in my early 20s because old people say “I meet my husband or wife are your age” or they will say “you meet the love of your life at university” which let me tell you something that not true whatsoever because am going into 4th year of university in September and I still haven’t met the love of my life. So, the reason I feel like a crazy person is because I must be doing things wrong
And If I feel like a crazy person for being single with all the emotions running through my head, I would hate to wonder what it feels like to b in a relationship a nervous sweaty mess oh wait that’s me when I see a hot guy or a hot guy talk to me.
Well, I really end up embarrassing myself by falling off my chair or spitting out weird crazy things to my friends because am scared that the hot guy looking at me or they noticed I was looking at them.
I would like to think a relationship would feel safe and happy and I would feel that unconditional love 24/7 the day.
Anyway enough of me going crazy with wanting to find life and let’s get on to the honest reality of being Single in your early 20s
1. Watching A Love Film On Repeat
The first thing people do not tell you about being single is you always watch a love film, or love program every week eating ice cream wishing you will have a love story like the movie you’re watching. Like I have literary Watched heartstopper like 1 million times because I want to fall in love like that and have a relationship like Nick & Charlie.
But in a way, I can relate to Heartstopper because am like Charley out of it, as when I have a crush I get carried away just like him and my friends are like Tao, text all the rest of their friends saying “we have Paul situation” mainly because my hart fall into 1 million bit when
A – I find out my crush is straight
B- he has a boyfriend or
C- he doesn’t like me back.
Anyway, Enough talking about Heartstopper because we would be here for a while because I love the show so much that I scream watching it because it is amazing.
When I finish watching the love film I start to fantastic meet my perfect boyfriend, getting married to him and thinking about what my life will be like together and sometimes if I am lucky enough I start to dream about it when I sleep (I dream about love all the time what new there)
Then I woke up the next morning back to reality because I turn to the other side of the bed and notice it was empty and raised, I am still single.
2. Breaking The Bank By Buying A Lot Of Beauty Products
Now, this might seem a weird thing to do when you are single, but what I find is I buy a lot of beauty products to make me look glamorous in a desperate attempt to get people interested In me.
Like 80% of the time, I’m literary make sure my hair is perfectly thick by going to the hair salon every 8 weeks to make sure my hair is at its best, I also make sure my skin looks youth and spotless with no wrinkles on my face to try and look immortal and timeless.
As what I find in today’s society is most people mean men do not want anyone with wrinkles on them.
(before you say but you’re a man, I don’t class myself as a man or a woman I class myself as a person or it’s just Paul)
Why do I feel the need to spend a lot on the money of beauty products when I am single, well the truth is I feel like I need to look my very best in order to attract my prince charming ( if they are one’s out there) as I feel like in today society guy will only like me for being Glamours. (yes, I enjoy looking glamours but there are days/week where I look and act ugly because looking Glamours is hard work)
Also, I feel the need to look glamorous because I do not want my future boyfriend/ Husband to see me being ugly by that I mean sitting watching tv in my joggers, stuffing my face with food while the food goes all down my jumper. Also, I don’t want whoever will be prince charming to see what I look like when not shaved my face in a few days (I do not like facial hair but am not rich enough to get laser hair removal yet )
3. The Disappointment Is Real
The disappointment is real, what I mean by this is when I have a crush on a guy I like (not a celebrity crush before you ask my celebrity it is Jack Falahee too bad, he’s straight… I think.)
For day and week on end when I start having a crush on someone, I am fantasying about what it would be like in a relationship with him and what our future life will be like together, I even start planning my dream wedding with them and stuff like that.
And then it happens I find out that the guy I like is not interested in me or he is straight or he is in a relationship.
Then I get very big Disappointed where I feel like my heart is being ripped out of me and it is extremely painful. Where I start going through a range of emotions which I like to call this period.
The single people heartbreak where I start feeling sorry for myself laying on the couch watching trashy TV eat a lot of sugar, I then start to feel like am ugly and no one going to love me because am a horrible person.
Yeah, people say heartbreak is the most painful thing ever, I find the most painful thing ever is the disappointment of your crush does like you back because in the eye how can heartbreak be painful when you already felt what love is where a single person has never felt what love is so it more painful for them.
Well, I might feel differently if ever get a prince charming
4 . Your Sex Life Is Extremely Sad
Ok, so this is not a big shocking thing as when people say “they’re single” you can take it for granted that their sex life is sad, sadly this is true. But then again people have one-night stands which I will never understand why people have them.
Yes, I have no sex life whatsoever (but am not a virgin if anyone asking), mainly because I turn down people, but the point is I want a boyfriend, not a one-night stand, because the last time I slept with someone was like in October and I thought they want more than a one-night stand but turns out they never. Which is a good thing because when I got to know more about the guy, he is not the type of boyfriend I want.
So, I guess I can say I dodged a bullet, but I do kind of regent sleeping with them, but I guess I never had sex with the person it was only playing with them. But sex is not my biggest priority in a relationship anyway.
That is all I have said about the sex life being single because there is no sex life whatsoever sorry to burst people’s bubble.
There is many more thing I could talk about on the reality of being single, but the blog post would be like 40 hours long if I continue with it. I choose to write this blog post because I want everything to notice what a single person thinks when there single or looking for love. Nobody ever talks about the journey to their prince charming.
They mainly talk about when they found there prince charming and talk about their life together, but what I have decided to do is every 2 months or every month talk about the journey to my Prince charming.
I am even thinking about writing a blog post of “dating experiences” I have had in the past and talking about the topic nobody talks about thing like “what they do not tell you about being a bottom”
Anyway, that is enough for today’s blog just a 23-year-old looking for the prince charming